Day 2. It was a struggle.
Not in the sense that I was hungry, that part was not bad. More just that I seemed angry most of the day. Every time I turned around something was getting to me, whether it be my job, or just some other thing to test my patience. Regardless, I will see. I will hear. I will know.
“He did not lead me here to leave me here.”
I did not enter this lightly. I never thought this would be a 2 day, happy go lucky fast where God reveals His greatest mysteries because I chose not to gorge myself every 4 hours. I am prepared to wait.
Sometimes, that’s all we can do as Christians. Wait.
The hidden passions that lie inside me I am already beginning to see more clearly, if I just stop for a moment and wait. Then listen.
“This can’t be it, right?”
There has to be more You want me to do. I know there is. If I dig down deep enough, and push away the dirt I find a soul burning with a passion to be a part of something undeniably great. The problem is, I allow the dirt to pile up. Mere dust becomes inches, inches to feet……heavier and heavier till the warmth of the flame is almost snuffed out.
“I must die to myself”
What does that even mean? Does anyone truly know? What does a person who has no earthly desires even look like? Last time I checked, those that boast the most, seem to drive the nicest cars. How does death to self equate to earthly amenities? Can the two coexist? How much is “too much?” How can I give it away if I don’t have it to begin with?
(I apologize…..the more I ramble, the deeper I seem to go down the rabbit hole.)
More questions, no answers yet.
Although, a quick praise report. My mom has been looking for the right place to live and has had very little luck. Today, through a contact I have, she may have found the perfect place for her for now. Less money and a nicer community…… Some details have to be worked out but I thank God in advance.
It seems some walls are beginning to crack.
But I am waiting till the floodgates open.
4th Wednesday tomorrow.
~jfm3~
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